ANIMAL CRUELTY AT IT’S WORST@ CONKLIN FARM IN OHIO:

http://www.mercyforanimals.org/ohdairy/

THIS IS BLOWING UP BIG TODAY…will add more updates soon….

To all my friends and readers….

First of all…. I hope you all have been able to enjoy a wonderful Christmas Holiday with family, friends and loved ones of all kinds….. including  animals!! I feel the most important thing about this time of year is to show plenty of love to the ones we have in our lives and cherish the people around you everyday! I am looking forward to a refreshing start to a new year with hopefully better luck and fortune for my family! How about you…what would the New Year 2009 bring you?!…..

I for one had a sad awakening on Christmas morning when my son texted me by phone that “SANTA DID NOT COME!” to the house. For those of you who do not know…My boys live with their father and his girlfriend of 6 years and her 2 other children. These poor kids awoke to empty stockings and the only tiny presents under the tree were sent up by their (my boys’) grandparents from Florida! My ex-husband was laid-off 2 weeks ago and didn’t even try to make Christmas morning special, despite having lost his job.
He just gave up selfishly and felt since he had no money, he would make no effort whatsoever! NOTHING!

NOT.........

That’s BULL S@%T…..What about the Mother of the house, the Girlfriend and mother of 2 kids of her own?….was she also so selfish as to not even think of the children’s emotions and try to maybe just visit the Dollar Store for a few simple trinkets to put in the stockings hanging above the beautiful and fully functioning fireplace? Nothing breaks  my heart more than to feel that these poor kids are not important enough to show the simplest effort on Christmas day and show some love (even without the money for expensive gifts) to make this a special day for 4 of them who still look forward to Santa Claus! Well ofcourse…..THIS Mom made up for it all, as usual!! 

Then comes the big blow………

 

 

 

 

R.I.P Selena !!

This weekend  we unfortunately had to bury the sweetest cat ever…..right  next to her brother “Shawno” kitty, who had died last month as well:

Our snuggle bunny!

 

Two cats gone in 2 months!! So sad….These cats with whom my boys grew up with for their whole lives. These were MY first animal babies from my past relationship with their Dad, which were a huge part of my life…..almost 20 years!! It’s funny, but sad how these things just seem to come all at once, like a big snow ball, rolling down a hill, getting bigger and more out of control!

LOOK OUT below.....

I know I’m not alone on this one…. as I’m sure many of you have had some sorrow or misfortune this year and are ready for what 2009 may bring…..Maybe just some luck, health and happiness?

I WANT TO SAY TO  MY FRIENDS and to your FAMILIES…… from the bottom of my heart, it’s because of people like you, that I can keep on moving forward with hope and look ahead with optimism and support: SO…..

Here’s to a brand new year!
A clean slate on which to write
our hopes and dreams.
This new year 2009:
Less time and energy on things;
More time and energy on people.
All of life’s best rewards,
deepest and finest feelings,
greatest satisfactions and joy
Come from people–People like you!!

Have a VERY Happy and safe New Year! Peace and Love, Jennifer!

Today we are having incredibly wicked weather in MA. An ice storm, inches of rain and lots of flooding. The governor has declared a State of Emergency, and I didn’t want to risk the drive to work in this awful mess. Afterall, a state of emergency means don’t go out if you don’t have to…..so I’m not!! Besides my commute usually takes an hour and I’m sure today would have been even longer!

So here’s to a day off to do as much or as little as I please….Thank you Mother Nature for allowing me this chance to take a Mental Health day off! to rest my weary bones! TGIF everyone!

If you are interested in learning more,

 Please visit this website…

 www.broward.org/medical/mei00268.htm

www.fmaware.org/

I had a follow-up exam at the Doctor’s office, regarding all my new strange pains…..and it kinda left me feeling pissed off. Let me explain…..

See I have this chronic pain of a disease and my boyfriend doesn’t. He goes to Doc for pulling his back out and back spasms and he gets a script for a month’s worth of Vicodin, Skelaxin and what ever else he wants. I go after a spooked horse tramples me ( literally runs me down), bucks me in the leg and kicks me up into the air and I land on my hip/back….what do I get ?…. 12 Flexeril, yup only 12! That’s 4days worth! Get some x-rays and here you go little girl! Good Luck…..

Screw that! I go back now a month later with all this weird stuff going on and do some bloodwork (good) to check for Lyme Disease and/or West Nile and whatever other kind of bug born illness there is…..and only 12 more Friggin Flexiril!!  What the fuck Doc?….. Is he (Gary, my boyfriend) just a big, old, baby boy who deserves to be put out of his misery, so we don’t need to listen to his whiney ass complain?…. Or am I just really making it all up, maybe I don’t complain enough? Hhmmm…It makes me wonder sometimes how these doctors work, why don’t I get any pain killers, DAMN IT!!???  

 

So he’s actually laughs at me when I come home last night and say’s “what did you get?”….and laughs some more, because poor Jenn is really suffering and he can’t figure out why I end up with Shit for meds! Go Figure….the story of my life, car accident after car accident and they send me home with Motrin! Oh Gee, Doctor we better do a CT scan, she may have fractured her neck….but they’ll not give me one damn thing for PAIN!!! EVER….never!

So I don’t have a paper trail filled with script after script of narcotic use over the years, nope…never get them, so how the hell can I abuse them. I figured that’s what they are thinking when I tell them I have FMS, but I DO NOT take meds for the pain….so yeah….that friggin means I NEED SOME!! God, it infuriates me to no end! Story of my life…..

V~ If you read this you will totally agree this is how the world works, I can’t explain it, but it even happens right in my own home!!

A Letter To Normals…..This is MY Disease!

Hello  Friends and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,

Please read my “About Me” and allow me to begin by thanking you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me on my blog . In our hectic lives a person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated always!

I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FMS) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). Many people have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many of you might have been misinformed. And because of the misinformation many judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FMS has assaulted not only my daily life and my marraige, but all of those around me whom I love as well.

 I suffer from a disease that you cannot see. It is a disease that there is no cure for, no simple lab test for and one that keeps the medical community baffled on how to treat and defeat this illness that attacks our bodies relentlessly. My pain works silently by stealing my strength and joy and replacing it with painful tears. On the outside I look normal and  you won’t see my scars as you would if a person has suffered a car accident, although I’ve had many of those as well. You won’t see my pain in the way you would a person who is visibly suffering…. This is MY daily struggle, because I seem to look just fine, happy and healthy. However, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating as anyone who suffers chronic pain! And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people just can’t see it, they may not believe it and they often just do not understand it!

Please don’t get angry at me if I show a lack of interest in doing things or just want to stay in bed today or the next; I punish myself enough, this I assure you. Many tears I have shed at times when no one is around, and the bathroom has become a haven for my sudden emotions. My embarrassment is often covered up by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to curl up and die. Most of my “friends” are gone (by choice) because I could not keep up with them or the drama in their lives. I have been accused of “playing games” for another person’s sympathy and even of abusing painkillers. I have been called “unreliable” when I am forced to cancel plans suddenly at the last minute, because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I can’t even put my clothes on or get off the couch.  I am again left in tears as I miss out on another activity I used to love to do or once participated in with great enthusiasm. Even going shopping is a chore….now what girl doesn’t like to shop? I still want to do it ALL, but this damned disease just keeps sucking the life out of me!

I feel like a child at times…The other day I put the milk I bought at the store in the cabinet on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator. Ofcourse by the time I noticed it, it had gone bad. I’ve lost or misplaced my keys more times than the people in my life care to think about, and I’ve had plenty of personal rescuers to help me get back into my car or my locked apartment doors, including the police. When I talk to people, I often lose my train of thought trying to answer a question or forget the simplest word  to explain or describe something. Some forgetful moments can be cute when they’re in private…..like when my boyfriend kindly just laughs it off, because he already knows what I meant to say and doesn’t want to embarrass me.

Imagine how it feels to be as young as I am and have another person go behind you in your home to make sure the stove is off after you have cooked an occasional meal . Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the cup of tea you’ve just made yourself, somewhere in the house and not have a clue. So please my friends, I ask you to try to understand if I don’t call you back all the time, or come visit you or even want to talk to you sometimes. I try to maintain my strength and dignity, but this Demon assaults me at every turn.

Then there’s Sleep. Aaah….my favorite past-time! Even when I do get some, it’s often restless and I wake up so much, because of the pain that the sheets can cause on my skin or because my leg muscles twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a haze with the “Fibro-fog” laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity. Very often I lose my balance, bump into walls and things and bruise myself all over my body as I wobble around in this fog…. almost as if I am tipsy. Well….what would you think?

My Fibro-Fog!

And just because I can do something one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or even next week. I may be able to take a walk after dinner on a warm summer evening or go groom my horse for an hour; then the next day or in the next hour I may not even be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink, because my muscles have begun to cramp, lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “But you did that yesterday with no problem!” “What’s wrong today, you look fine?” The hurt that I experience hearing those words scar me so deeply, because people forget that Looks can be deceiving, and I have let my family or friends down again and they still don’t understand my pain….

 

On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor, after all Laughter is the best medicine. If you take the time to spend with me or even to just chat, you will see that. I love to tell a joke or share a funny story to make someone’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids so much, especially when they give me big loving hugs or ask me to go bike riding or take them someplace fun. They do understand that Mom has some painful days filled with migraines and body aches, but I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; that’s not too much to ask is it? I love my family and friends and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong and reliable friend in many ways by showing great patience. I am a friend, a lover, a supporter and a hard worker. Many times I will be the one to do the research for my boss’ latest project or report. And many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am of your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life! This my friends…… you will know for sure!

So you see, we are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… but this damned disease…. Do you have an invisible demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you inside and brings you to your knees? If Yes, then we have alot in common and I will be by your side win or lose….. I promise you that! I will be there in the ways that I can be. I will give all that I can as much as I can, when I can, I promise you that. But I have to do things my way and at my own pace. Please understand that I am in such a fight with myself and my body and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least for right now. Please understand if I seem stupid or selfish at times, it’s my pain that gets the best of me!

Thank you for spending your time with me reading this. I will continue to work through this thing as I have the past 12 years, taking it day by day. Please understand that I am just like you, and I just have my bad days too! The last few days have been exhausting as pain has taken over my body in ways I’ve not yet felt. I am not sure if getting older (the big 4-0 is right around the corner, ugh!) has brought on additional pain, but it triggered me to write this blog to get it out! Thank you!

MORE INFO ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA:

Fibromyalgia pain ISN’T…..”All in patients’ heads!” a new brain study finds. Well then…….thank god I’m not completely crazy! LOL…..

Alone With My Pain...

Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) is often called the “invisible disease”, because outwardly we may look perfectly healthy. Inside though, we have intense pain throughout our bodies in our muscles, tendons and ligaments. We may be constantly fatigued and weak, we may be dizzy, act confused, lacking sleep, have numbness and tingling, suffer from digestive disorders, and generally just living a stressful and poor quality of life. There is no known cure for Fibromyalgia, but there are ways to help treat the symptoms, and to improve that quality of life. I have personally tried Psychiatrists, Psychotherapists, Chiropractors, Physical and Massage Therapy, several prescribed drugs, alternative medicines and I even was part of a Clinical Trial for a new drug that has yet to be approved in the US. The drug trial showed much improvement in the year and a half I was on it, but now I can’t have it? Should I buy it from Canada? What the hell is the FDA waiting for?

  FMS is a type of neurotransmitter disorder, in which the pain-signals that our brains receive are intensified,  our muscles do not get the healing nutrients they need and they take longer to regenerate after excersize or injury. The current diagnosis is usually made by a Rheumatologist who will find 11 or more “Tender Points” on your body. Out of the 18 Trigger Points of the body I often have atleast 16 burning with pain at all times…OUCH!! And if a person with FMS gets a cold or virus or any type of injury these “Flare-ups”can take weeks to go away and suck the life right out of you. 

Trigger Points

If you have this disease or think you might have symptoms, there are more resources now than ever with incredibly helpful information on the web. One of the first sites I visited was Fibrohugs.com. It’s a great place to start. Many new Doctors have begun to dedicate themselves to specializing in or treating this confusing disease. There are many books out there that have been written over the last ten years as they have advanced in testing and diagnosing this illness. Dr. Don L. Goldenberg is a doctor that I see in Massachusetts and he was one of the first to take an interest in helping his own wife work through this disease. He has written a handful of books over the last 15 years and has taken on many of the Clinical Drug Trials specifically to help FMS pain at his practice at Newton-Wellesley Hospital.

There is help out there, but unfortunately for me the medical costs can be overwhelming. The treatments I need would be atleast 3 times a week with a chiropractor, doing therapuetic massage and ultrasound on a regular basis. It’s just too much work, too much time and way too much money! Sorry, don’t mean to rant on and on…..

Thank you for hanging with me and reading about me and FMS. I hope I am able to help or atleast guide someone in the right direction for some answers.  And I’d be glad to talk to anyone out there who’d like to share their pain! I certainly can’t make your pain go away, but talking about it can help bring it to the surface where maybe it can slowly be released!!

Tender Hugs~ Jenn

1. I’m a real blonde!! Yup…it’s true !

2. I have green eyes with flecks of gold.

4. I’m a lefty.

5. I’ve been divorced now for 6 years…I met my X-hubby when I was 20!

6. I have 2 beautiful boys that I love unconditionally!

7. Both my kids weighed over 9lbs. at birth….Holy Moly!

8. I had both babies completely Natural (That’s right, Childbirth without drugs….who’d a thought it was possible at only 5’3″ tall?!)

9. I’m allergic to Novacaine and Cocaine would stop my heart! (Thank god I never tried drugs)

10. I broke my nose by running into a beam when I was 12! (needed 8 stitches too) OUCH!

11. I’ve never had plastic surgery on my body, only to fix that deviated/crushed septum.

12. I am 50% German and 50% English.

13. I spent every summer in Germany up until the age of 12, I spoke German with a Bavarian accent.

14. I went to the West Indies every year from the age of 19 until I was 27 when I was eventually married on the Island of Barbados.

15. My first son was conceived during my honeymoon!

16. My Mom is a recovered alcoholic.

17. My Dad cheated on my Mother (with younger women) while I was growing up and they were separated for 2 years when I was starting college.

18. I have a younger brother that I finally just saw again after 8 years of absence from our family!

19. I have wanted to commit suicide, but was too afraid I would FAIL and then suffer even more pain! (Yeah I’m a big chicken)

20. I have a few illnesses that I battle with everyday: Fibromyalgia, Mitral Valve Prolapse and Anxiety Disorder and battled through Post partum Depression.

21. I quit smoking a year ago!

22. I don’t have any friends to hang out with. I much rather hang with the guys, since they are far more honest and not catty like women! *scratch-hiss*

23. I have great boobs, that’s one thing I’m proud of!

24. Younger guys think I’m sexy….woo hoo!

25. I love beautiful people (men and women) but I’m not bisexual.

26. I did have a beautiful young woman come onto me at a bar in Florida, she kissed me and I found out later she asked my boyfriend if we could spend the night together!

27. I’m an animal lover!

28. My favorite color is green.

29. I love to wear black everyday!

30. I only wear Vanilla based fragrances.

31. I LOVE chocolate!

32. I drink caffeine everyday…COFFEE and TEA!!

33. I like to be lazy!

34. I love the warmth of the sun and warm waters of the Carribean and Floridas West coast.

35. My favorite animals are reptiles and ocean mammals.

36. I have a horse.

37. I bought my own home when I was 28.

38. My Precious Moments Collection ( I started as a teenager ) and Crystal collection and several beautiful coats were stollen when my home was vandalized.

39. I am afraid to collect anything of sentimental meaning, because of the fear of losing it!

37. I no longer have many possessions (because of the trauma of the burglary) ….I have lost most of my favorite things over the years and only have a few boxes of belongings, no furniture!

38. I get really depressed and had an emotional breakdown after moving 4 times in 6 years since my divorce!

39. I often self-medicate with Alcohol (as bad as I know that is…I can’t help myself sometimes)

40. I’ve been hiding empty bottles of wine around the house so no one sees how many I actually drink.

41. My pain kills me sometimes and I’m want to hide!

42. I don’t take painkillers or narcotics anymore unless I am injured.

43. I have headaches and neck pain almost every day!

44. You would not know I am in pain unless I told you!

45. I still SMILE alot!

46. I love my job!

47. My kids live with their Dad.

48. I want a new car.

49. I make really good money doing almost nothing all day!

50. I am shy.

51. Sometimes I feel stupid.

52. Sometimes I feel fat.

53. I used to wear thong bikinis to the beach when I had a smokin’ body.

54. I went topless in Jamaica before…”Ya ‘mon!”

55. I side-swiped a car once and didn’t stop!

56. I have no savings account, I live paycheck to paycheck.

57. I love my boyfriend Gary.

58. My boyfriend knows how to do Reiki. Great stuff….he’s a healer!

59. My BEST and only REAL friend is my Gary!

60. I live with my boyfriend and his Mom. (sad… but true!)

61. I probably wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for him…I was on a very destructive path when he came into my life 6 and 1/2 years ago!

62. People think I have alot of money! ( hah!)

63. I believe in Angels, Archangels, Demons, Psychics and the many people who have some type of supernatural talent. I’ve always believed since I was a child!

64. I am not religious, but I am very Spiritual!

65. I’ve had visits from Angels! Two of them are my close childhood friends who have passed on.

66. I have many Angels in my life that have kept me safe!

67. I want to visit Egypt, India and Africa before I leave this earth. 

68. I love to learn about different cultures.

69. I love to travel.

70. I love foreign foods: Spainish, Indian, Greek, Italian, German, Asian. 

71. I absolutely love “hot and spicy” food~ I can eat Habenero peppers straight up!

72. I love to go Fishing.

73. I have met many really nice people on-line.

74. I wish I lived in Florida near my parents.

75. I like to sing in the car, where noone else can hear me…LMAO!

76. I bite my nails, but not all of them!

78. My favorite flower is the Hibiscus.

79. I have one Dolphin tattoo I designed myself.

80. I want 3 more tattoos that I have already sketched.

81. I love to go tanning in the tanning booths (I know it’s bad, but it feels so good!).

82. I hate the cold and Winters.

83. I love the heat and Summers.

84. I like to go fast….. on rollercoasters, speed boats, take-offs in airplanes, driving in my car etc… 

85. I do not get sea sick or motion sick.

86. I have a hard time sitting still. I love to be moving…..

87. I love frozen drinks on the beach at sunset!

88. I hate icey rain that I have to scrape off my car in the morning!

89. I love to sleep!

90. I actually love Classical Music.

91. My favorite movie of all time is Gladiator….2nd fave is Moulin Rouge!

92. I grew up listening to Pavarotti and Beethoven at Christmas time!

93. I often stop and watch the Spanish channels and Bollywood movies on the weekends!

94. I love Foreign music….I want to see the Dutch musician Andre Rieu perform with the Johann Strauss Orchestra.

95. My 2 beautiful nephews are adopted from India.

96. I can speak, read and write in Spanish and German. I understand parts of many languages Italian, Portugese, French, and most European dialects.

97. I lived in a villa on the beach in Italy when I was 6 years old.

98. I am very thankful for my German roots, without an extensive family throughout Germany, England, Italy and France, I would have never had those opportunities during my childhood travelling all over Europe. 

99. I am a lover not a fighter!

100. I think I’m pretty cool sometimes…Didn’t want to end it with a bad thought!  

P.S. I'm a Tomboy too!

THANKS TO ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS BORING THING!

Hey there world!

I’m back after over a year and my have things changed…. I am workin’ on my blog page and need some time to kinda get the hang of this one!! Hold tight friends and stay-tuned! =)